1-2-3-4 I Declare an Ant War

1-2-3-4, I Declare an Ant War!

Peace Corps Volunteers are not allowed to carry guns or machetes, hence the word Peace in the sentence; however, we are able to concoct bombs of boiling hot water and bleach.  This is what I found myself doing after returning from a nice, enjoyable weekend in the border town of Alianza, where my friend Rakesh lives, as we put together the latest newletter edition of ¡Que Barbaridad! for the Municipal Development team. 

Livin' it up in Alianza, learning how to cook Honduran style!

Imagine my shock and awe as I walked into my ‘outdoor’ toilet, where I discovered a line of sugar ants crawling up the right side of the wall, from the back of the commode.  (Note: The fact that I even know these are sugar ants and not regular ants prove that I have been inHonduras a little too long and am in fact well-integrated into this land).  Moving on, I proceed to see where these ants are coming from and notice they are located behind my toilet and coming in and out of the lid.  I then see that there are a lot more ants crawling under the lid.  This leads me to the very important thought of 1. How to protect my ass/crotch in a diarrhea like moment, which are likely to hit at any possible time in this country.  Curiously, I lift the lid off and find what has to be a billion ants scrounging for any and all water that is located under the lid.  No sooner have I done this that the little suckers start trying to claw their way onto my skin. 

This we cannot have.

So, I head into my kitchen where I boil up a big pot of water, and after about 20 minutes, add half a bottle of bleach to it.  I’m sure that will do the trick.  Don’t mind me, I remember Googling this attack somewhere; it has been working well for months in places like my shower drain and pila.  After flushing all the water out of my toilet, I toss the water in at a fast and rapid pace, only to see ants flying for their life up into the rafters (literally, I do have rafters), until I fling scalding water that way, too.  I continue flushing hot bleach water down the toilet until I’m pretty sure I’ve killed them all.  I return two hours later to see a tiny stream edging their way back in.  It is late and I have to leave for Teguz tomorrow; I’m too tired to care right now. But, let this be a warning to all the ants of Honduras.  When I was growing up in Texas my dad used to ‘let’me mow the grass (hence, he chored it off to me while he watched football).  There were ample fire ants for me to get stung by and piss off along the way as I drove them over with the lawn mower and watched them scuttle to build a new bed.  I now know this merely dispersed thousands of ants deeper into the tough, Texas grass, but if you come messing with me, I will go after you with a vengeance.  So, you got it ants…I strongly suggest you stay clear of my toilet.  I might not be packing a gun, but there are lots more buckets of pila bleach.